Favorite Wall in Austin for Blog 2

The Past is Still Recorded Online

This blog is out of use and out of date. I am now posting on mercedesorten.blogspot.com

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Bike to work, baby!

Bike rider
Bike to Work week Festivities!

So I've been biking around Boulder on my little trusty Trek 820 since 7:00am this morning! I did yoga by the Boulder Creek after eating a delicious breakfast from one of the breakfast stands, and now I'm off to a doctor's appointment and then the library. Later tonight it is dinner at Jax Fishhousewith my sister and my friend Charles Stickles. I'm taking THEM out for his 22nd birthday! Yay! This Boulder life is so relaxing. I love being a Boulderite, even though soon I will no longer be, I might as well enjoy it while it lasts, right?

If you're a Boulderite, or thinking about being one, check out the above link and try to BIKE to WORK this week! It is good for the world, the community, the air, and even that little beating heart you have inside there.

Current book I'm reading: Still The Portrait of A Lady, and I'm almost done with it!

Monday, June 20, 2005

"Outdoor bums" live by the rock! I proclaim myself one as of today!

So, living in Boulder definitely has its perks, and I must say I love it most of the time. I will miss this place terribly when I leave. The mesh of urban life, the bars, and then the looming MOUNTAINS that call to me every day "come hike me, please!!" are unmatchable in my mind. Not to mention the people. Heaven, love 'em!

So I read this article yesterday in the Daily Camera, the local Boulder paper. Now I have this surge of energy that is drawing me towards Argentina. I want to climb Aconcagua, the tallest mountain in the Western Hemisphere in Argentina. The guy in this article did...And wow, I have to say I admire him. It is quite a goal, I know...But wouldn't it be amazing to do? What an accomplishment.
Click for the article that inspired the "outdoor bum" proclamation and the Argentina trek...

So, after reading that article, I would have to say I'm definitely an "outdoor bum" who schedules work around climbing and hiking. I feel this:

"Whether they center work around their passions or vice versa, Boulder's so-called "outdoor bums" agree that balancing a passion with obligations is tricky, but worth it. Most say their draw to nature is not a choice, but ingrained into their existence."

And how awesome is advice like this, I'm taking this and running with it:

"He [one of the dudes talked about in the article] also has advice for the 'outdoor bums': Making money is peripheral. The most important thing, he said, is to 'live with the rock' to stick with a city like Boulder, even if it gets pricey and you have to sacrifice luxuries.

'I don't care about a bank account or IRA,' Skinner said. 'My job translates almost purely to climbing time. ... That's payment that money value doesn't connect to.'

I did some wild bouldering myself this morning near the third flatiron, and it was awesome. All I could think of the whole time was how lucky I am to be alive and in nature as often as I am. Speaking of, now I'm off on my bike to take a dip in the Boulder Creek...And eat some lox and bagels. Love to you all, and come visit Boulder, it rules!!

Current book I'm reading: The Portrait of A Lady by Henry James, and I will read it by the creek, baby!
*** Thanks to for the pic!

Friday, June 17, 2005

A Hard Day's Night

"You know I feel alright
You know I feel alright..."

Many drunken people enjoyed my rendition of the Beatles "Drive My Car" yesterday evening at the Dark Horse. In thinking of the past week and the strange things that it brought, I can only wonder further what tonight will bring? Hopefully something englightening, something crazy, something out of the ordinary. I think I need a daily dose, or nightly dose of the weird in order to function in this post-college life.


Sunday, June 12, 2005

Back from Orlando...

Orlando, Florida. Whoa. It was quite possibly the strangest of places to visit, especially for over 25,000 feminists. Strip malls littered the supposedly once beautiful, wild, marshy landscape, leaving nothing but steaming cement and buildings that fogged up with the blasts of freezing air conditioning when it met the heat from outside. Orlando the city was one of the more disappointing places that I've traveled in the U.S., mostly because I felt so out of touch with nature--which is what I consider "the real" of any environment. Pavement everywhere with flashy buildings and lights are not my idea of a "real place." So, as a result my trip to Orlando felt largely unreal. Even air conditioned hotelfelt unreal.

Reniassance hotel pic

Oh, the irony.

Beautiful, the conference, thousands of wonderful, sharp-as-tacks feminists, and a whole lot of discourse was a bit surreal for me, too. I really enjoyed a lot of the conference, especially the key-note speakers Dr. Vanada Shiva, and Winona LaDuke.

Reniassance hotel pic 2
Where we listened to the keynote speakers

Some of the panels and workshops I went to were good, but a lot were "shameless pontification(s)"* by Ph.D smartie tarties who thought their ideas were king, er, queen. The best part of the entire conference, actually, was the play written by the poet Ntozake Shangé.** Actually, it was a theatrical performance that grabbed your heart and held onto it the entire time. It was directed by Bee Boyd. In short, I loved it because it was feminist, I loved it because of the women I had the opportunity and privilege of staying with. And oh, Disneyworld, conversely, was incredible, no doubt the "Happiest celebration on earth"!! I hope to scan pictures soon of Texas Emma and I running madly around the huge park in an indulgent search for cotton candy, candied apples, and other sweet thangs to satisfy our cravings and curb our ravenous appetites. Seriously, Texas Emma and I are very much alike, we are both "EATERS" and we both are very hyper and sugar driven. We proved this when we ran wildly around Dizzyworld searching for more sugar and riding as man rides as we could along the way. By far that was the highlight of trip. That and my new close friendship with Texas Emma. She's named after Jane Austen's character, what more can I say too describe her awesomeness?
Also, we both felt the performance by Shangé on a similar level. Here is an excerpt of Shangé's beautiful, lyrical work from the performance we saw (this poem was the most powerful of the performance, and, incidentally, made me cry:

With no immediate cause WITH NO IMMEDIATE CAUSE
by Ntosake Shange

every 3 minutes a woman is beaten
every five minutes a
woman is raped/every ten minutes
a lil girl is molested
yet I rode on the subway today
i sat next to an old man who
may have beaten his old wife
3 minutes ago or 3 days/30 years ago
he might have sodomized his
daughter but i sat there
cuz the young men on the train
might beat some young women
later in the day or tomorrow
i might not shut my door fast
enuf/push hard enuf...

...click for all of poem

...i bought the paper
looking for the announcement
the discovery/of the dismembered
woman's body/the
victims have not all been
identified/today they are
naked and dead/refuse to
testify/one girl out of 10's not
coherent/i took the coffee
& spit it up/i found an
announcement/not the woman's
bloated body in the river/floating
not the child bleeding in the
59th street corridor/not the baby
broken on the floor/
"there is some concern
that alleged battered women
might start to murder
their husbands & lovers with no
immediate cause"
i spit up i vomit i am screaming
we all have immediate cause
every 3 minutes
every 5 mintues
every 10 minutes
every day

...click for all of poem

have you hurt a woman today
did you beat a woman today
throw a child across a room
are the lil girl's panties
in yr pocket
did you hurt a woman today

i have to ask these obscene questions
the authorities require me to
immediate cause

every three minutes
every five minutes
every ten minutes
every day.

"With No Immediate Cause" ©1978 by Ntozake Shange
Reproduced here for educational purposes only.

Oh, so that's the end for now, folks.

* "shameless pontification" is a direct quote from Texas Emma. Used with covert permission.

**Ntozake Shange. One of the most influential contemporary African American poets, Shange is the author of the Obie Award-winning "for colored girls who have considered suicide/when the rainbow is enuf." As a School of Theatre and Dance Artist-in-Residence from 2002 to 2003, she created "Lavender Lizards and Lilac Landmines: Layla's Dream." The piece used Ms. Shange's identifying theatrical form: the choreopoem, which integrates poetry, movement, music and dance into an aesthetic whole. In vivid and powerful language and movement, the work reveals a woman's struggle between soul and spirit.
School of Theatre and Dance, University of Florida

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Florida sun, gunna have some fun!

Going on CU's dime to Orlando, finally! The trip has come and I leave in a few hours. I will be back Sunday the 12th and will probably craving the dry heat of Colorado like a lime popsicle on a 90 degree day. Melt, baby, melt!

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Buff the world, booties and splinters and booze all night...

"And so it is...


should be..."
Diego Luna is a man I like
(Diego Luna)

Tongue out at you
It is clearly one of those times. Emerging like the puff of smoke from a blown out fire. Those free, shining times that blind you. I can feel the energy of this summer running through my veins, it makes...It makes my veins bulge out and strain. The light, oooh, it overwhelms me. I can feel it paralyzing me, slowly. You'd feel it too, if it was you. You've felt this before, haven't you? Like a burn, like a scented candle in your room. Freedom!!!!!!!

Ever feel like a tongue sticking out is never enough to express this?

Thursday, June 02, 2005

The overwhelming freakiness of existenta-WHAT?!

Anne Bradstreet"IS THAT ALL THERE IS?" by Peggy Lee continually is running through my head these past few days. It is not that I'm dissatisfied with life, its just that I'm dissatisfied with what the tricky cards of love have dealt me. And no, I won't explain, but this song might...

"I remember when I was a very little girl, our house caught on fire.
I'll never forget the look on my father's face as he gathered me up
in his arms and raced through the burning building out to the pavement.
I stood there shivering in my pajamas and watched the whole world go up in flames.
And when it was all over I said to myself, "Is that all there is to a fire"
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is
And when I was 12 years old, my father took me to a circus, the greatest show on earth.
...I had the feeling that something was missing.
I don't know what, but when it was over,
I said to myself, "is that all there is to a circus?
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is
Then I fell in love, head over heels in love, with the most wonderful boy in the world.
We would take long walks by the river or just sit for hours gazing into each other's eyes.
We were so very much in love.
Then one day he went away and I thought I'd die, but I didn't,
and when I didn't I said to myself, "is that all there is to love?"
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing

I know what you must be saying to yourselves,
if that's the way she feels about it why doesn't she just end it all?
Oh, no, not me. I'm in no hurry for that final disappointment,
for I know just as well as I'm standing here talking to you,
when that final moment comes and I'm breathing my last breath, I'll be saying to myself
Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that's all there is my friends, then let's keep dancing
Let's break out the booze and have a ball
If that's all there is..."

The message is holding clear onto me like a boa constrictor. I find life more meaningful than Peggy Lee does in this song, I enjoy the moments that I have for exactly what they are, but...Well, she just hits a really low-ringing heart string in me with the pessimism, nihilism, and fatalism. Peggy Lee oddly echoes the poetry of Anne Bradstreet. I find it quiet interesting that Peggy Lee's song may be drawing upon this classic "first" female American poet. Her poem, "Verses upon the Burning of our House" seems to put forth the same message as this song, (especially the first stanza of the song). My, my, I really need to get back into academics, don't I? Maybe that is why I feel lost, and why I had a dream I forgot my name last night. My identity was gone, like Peggy Lee's "no hurry for that final disappointment" I felt that if I did find out who I was I would be disappointed and think "is that all there is?" Scary, isn't it? To see an end to your self or your identity. In the dream I had to search and search and search for my driver's license in order to verify my self to myself. I never found my license.

This wave of panic incited by my forgotten identity I think was spurred by the amazing film I heart huckabees. I viewed this film last night with Janet K, Jessie K, Andrew Crocker, Carrie, and Kendell Kline. The particular line that I'm now thinking of that inspired the crisis of this dream was:
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?

Think. It gets overwhelming, doesn't it?

How am I not myself?
I am a marathoner. That means I have a tummy that could sieze a spider.