Shocked and happy!!

"and it's not an accident
that you light up everything around you" ~Paris Texas

Ilovelife.com!!

Despite the fact that I'm revising the thesis like crazy, some great things happened today, and I am quite back to normal. No more drowning! I can swim! In fact, I am beyond my usual elated state and I am overjoyed.

Thank you so much to all who supported me and contributed to my sustenance this week. There should be an I love my friends.com site so I can express that!!!

And there is! Ilovemyfriends!! Great URL, but a strange personals site.

Back to the grind for me, babies. Oooh, I hear grinding gears!!! GRIND GRIND GO MERCEDES GO!!!!!

I am blessed. Countdown, less than 48 hours, I think. I can't calculate.

heBinaryGoddess: how are you doing?
Hadiebees: Ok
TheBinaryGoddess: im about to head to bed
TheBinaryGoddess: but i saw you got on
Hadiebees: I'm drying out.
TheBinaryGoddess: and i wanted to check on you
Hadiebees: Thanks lady
Hadiebees: it means a lot
Hadiebees: It.........will be turned in Fri morn
TheBinaryGoddess: weoo, you are my friend and i care about you
...
TheBinaryGoddess: you will suceed and be fabulous, i am sur eof it
TheBinaryGoddess: the universe loves you
Hadiebees: hehehe
Hadiebees: really!?
Hadiebees: you think?
TheBinaryGoddess: yes
TheBinaryGoddess: look at all the people around you and how much they care about you and how well you tend to do at things. if that isnt the universe loving you, what is?
Hadiebees: You sound like Chuck
Hadiebees: Lol, I keep saying that tonight!
TheBinaryGoddess: haha
Hadiebees: THanks for the faith, lady, I really appreciate it.
Hadiebees: Sounding like CHuck is good, mind you
TheBinaryGoddess: haha, i know
TheBinaryGoddess: i have a high shock value
TheBinaryGoddess: once you talk to me, lol
Hadiebees: You do, that's true.
Hadiebees: I like you a lot.
TheBinaryGoddess: awww
Hadiebees: I'm glad we're making the friendship thing work.
Hadiebees: hehe
Hadiebees: Sorry I"m talking like a freak
Hadiebees: I should go
TheBinaryGoddess: well its all mutual, so do awesome as long as your awake tonight!
Hadiebees: I have to go to Kinkos and make copies
TheBinaryGoddess: ai caramba
TheBinaryGoddess: have a nice evening!
Hadiebees: hehehehe
Hadiebees: AYE!
TheBinaryGoddess: night!
Hadiebees: ehehehe sorry espanol
Hadiebees: lader baby
Hadiebees: wow
Hadiebees: lader!!!!!!
TheBinaryGoddess is away at 11:55:03 PM.

Yes, that's my hand, reaching...FOR HELP!! AHHH!!!

Yes, that's my hand, reaching...FOR HELP!! AHHH!!!, originally uploaded by Bee-Butt.

I am drowning, everyone. And I thought I was a skilled swimmer. It sure seemed like it when I was swimming in the ocean last week...

Seriously, this next week is going to be the most trying of my undergraduate career. And nothing is working in my attempts to calm myself down. Not even relax and breathe! As you must know, I am writing my honors thesis. And I am drowning with work on it this week. If anyone can help me through this mess I've found myself in, any de-stress suggestions or sweet gifts or short, quick emails would be greatly appreciated. Even a "Mercedes, you will make it through this" would be great. You will be helping me more than you realize.

I have to submit a final draft, bound, and ready for the English Department on April 4th, 2005. It terrifies me.

I apologize for my pathetic plea here, I am embarrassed right now. Aye, me!

"The devil wanted us to know...'"

"‘The devil wanted us to know...'"
Originally uploaded by Bee-Butt.

Satan Turtle Article

All this talk of the Virgin Mary grilled cheese needed to be counteracted by the Devil.
I love grilled cheese, so having a Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich is great.
I love turtles, they are one of my favorite animals, so having a Satan turtle is just devastating.

Thesis Defender, disregard the blonde hair. That's me.

Thesis Defender, disregard the blonde hair. That's me.
Originally uploaded by Bee-Butt.

AnonymousMan: im going to do work instead
AnonymousMan: and read about the world of commercial systems
Me: oh thank goodness.
Me: I'm going to continue to revise.
Me: The thesis, that is. Defense is on April 5, 2005 at 3pm
Me: blast!
AnonymousMan: you know you have it
AnonymousMan: you can sit there and tell them to go to hell
AnonymousMan: and youll get it
Me: in the bag?
Me: you think? suma cum lade?
Anonymousman: totally
Anonymousman: they told me
Me: I am astonished you're saying such things. You have no idea what I've written, Anon Man!
AnonymousMan: oh pbbt
AnonymousMan: "women are good at this, and that"
AnonymousMan: im sure is the general theme
AnonymousMan: and its right
Me: HAHAHAHHA
Me: WOMEN, HUH
Me: Try LESBIANS.
AnonymousMan: i wouldnt mind trying lesbians
Me: MY GOD. OK. NO, good thing you're not writing my thesis!
AnonymousMan: haha
AnonymousMan: im going to go read
Me: Ok, bucko.
Me: Talk to you later.
AnonymousMan: later, TD
AnonymousMan: Thesis Defender
Me: Haha, thanks, Anon Man!

PLEASE BE ADVISED: This IM conversation and all quotes were taken with consideration of the participants in question. This conversation is intended solely for the use of the readers of this blog, and may contain legally privileged and confidential information. If the reader would like to inquire as to the identity of Anonymous Man, please contact the author of this blog via comment and she will respond to you privately. You are hereby notified that any dissemination, distribution, copying, or other use of this conversation or its attachments is strictly prohibited.

NOTE: See photo for an accurate depiction of the super-heroine, Thesis Defender. Notice her gun and wooden leg, she's been though a lot in her undergraduate college years. Artwork courtesy of ANOTHER, different, Anonymous Man. For his identity, please inquire via comment. If you are him and want credit, let me know.

I'm back!

I'm back, ya'll. And my father took digital camera pictures of the beautiful land of Puerto Vallarta. It was fantastic. Golden. Breathtaking. I worked on my thesis on the beach, ya'll. I edited a lot. Can you believe it? Editied while I got sun. I walked in the sand barefoot for hours on end, too. And I swam with schools of slippery silver fish. I followed trumpet fish through the murky sand and I tried to touch it, to no avail, of course. I snorkeled in the rough waves of the Pacific. I swam out into the ocean far enough so that I could no longer see the shore. I walked down the Malecon and bartered with a Mexican for a painting of Frida. The whole trip was exhilerating. I can not even concieve of the fact that this morning, I was swimming in the Pacific ocean with beautiful angel fish, and of course, I was swimming with the amazingly huge schools of fish I'm so obsessed with. You know, there is something so oddly peaceful and alluring about schools of fish. Their sheer number is quite astounding. They are so sweet. Like candy, baby.
Oh, I can not even begin to do justice to such a beautiful trip here on this blog. I won't even try. I will, however, try to post pictures very soon.
Other News...
* Thesis Defense: April 5, 2005 at 3pm.
The looming date and time. Doesn't it scare you to see it written out like that? It does me.
I hate and love this overambitious lifestyle.

* Golden Wedding Anniversary of my great aunt and uncle:
Saturday, April 30, 2005
The whole family will be there, it will be an event to remember. It starts at 6, I'm so excited. It will be like one of our legendary family weddings, but better! 50 years! Yay! Y todos los italianos!!!!

Much love.

Puerto Vallarta!!

Palm Trees!
Originally uploaded by Bee-Butt.

I will soon be in this locale, with a paperback novel and a swim suit on. Pictured here es la plaza con la iglesia de la Virgen de Guadalupe. I am so excited. I will be gone, ya'll from the 17th (Happy St. Patty's Day!) to the 24th of March. I will be basking in the warm sun, swimming the days away, snorkeling, drinking tequila with my dad, and downing my mom's pina coladas in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. A typical vacation I know, but I haven't been to a real beach in years, and my new bikini is ready for some action! The break is going to be nice; I and I will see everyone, hopefully with a little color on my skin, when I get back! BUENA SUERTE!!

It is closed!

I have officially, after 4 years here at CU Boulder, now, in this very moment, been locked in the library. This is terrifying. Someone, help me!

Yes, I know

Yes, I know
Originally uploaded by Bee-Butt.

Vincent made me promise to go out with him last Friday night. It was needless to say, a blast. I was making macaroni and cheese for about 8 or 9 people at the time that this picture was taken. Let's see if this works!

Everything I play is gun be FUNKY...

...from now on.

You know, today has already been astonishingly great. Woke at 9, had eggs and tofu, went to coffee with my friend Kendall Anderson, then to yoga with Mahmoud from 10:30-12. Simeon was there, and he graciously gave me a ride home, the sweet yoga-loving person he is. Now I'm here, eating lunch, planning tonight's crazy slew of activities, and I do not know if this day could get any better. There are two parties to go to, and a mannequin makeout / Matson Jones concert to attend at 8:30. I love the busy hectic Boulder life and I love that we've planned to get Hapa after Matson Jones plays and I love my cousins they are going to be in town and I love my friends and I love that I'm almost done with my thesis and I love that I'm listening to some chill-out funk right now and I love my parents, I went to Trident last night with them before going out. Oh, I love, love, love.

Everything I play is gun be FUNKY...from now on...

I'd rather dance...

When the beat comes a rockin' don't come a'knocking, don't even talk to me!! I don't have anything important to say, anyway. Nor do you...poo! I'm going hiking RIGHT NOW!! YES!!!

And I'll leave you with the brilliance of the Kings of Convenience
Kings of Convenience:


"I'd rather dance with you than talk with you
So why don't we just move into the other room
There's space for us to shake, and hey, I like this tune

Even if I could hear what you said
I doubt my reply would be interesting for you to hear
Because I haven't read a single book all year
And the only film I saw, I didn't like it at all

I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you
I'd rather dance, I'd rather dance than talk with you

The music's too loud and the noise from the crowd
Increases the chance of misinterpretation
So let your hips do the talking
I'll make you laugh by acting like the guy who sings
And you'll make me smile by really getting into the swing
Getting into the swing, getting into the swing
(Getting into the swing...)
I'd rather dance with you
I'd rather dance with you..."

Last minute confession: I'm obsessed with links now that I've mastered them, I love dark chocolate and dried turkish figs, and I love music!!!!!

Munchin on asparagus, just thinking...

You know, the prior statement I made today, that should show up below, really upsets me. That's just not true! Life and studying are not bad things! Studying is not a bad thing and life is great. I wanted to be out on the town last night, but I had to work, study, thesis-write, etc. And it is great to study. Libraries are amazing. I wish I was at Frances Loeb Library at Harvard right now. And I just made myself a delicious dinner, and life does not blow. I felt like it was tiresome and tedious last night, because 3 people said they would call me, and I THOUGHT that none of them had. In all actuality, though, all three of them called me while I was either in a screening of Kill Bill Vol 2 or downstairs at Radio 1190. The messages just didn't show up until far later in the evening. To top it off, I had a great day today. The test I was studying for went very well, I cruised Pearl Street paper shops with a friend, and then I enjoyed a great meeting with my Women's Studies group. Granted, it lasted 2 hours, but we talked about some very pertinent issues. Mainly the conflict in Sudan, racism on campus, and also our short film idea for graduation. We're making a tribute film to one of our favorite professors who is retiring this year. It is going to be amazing. I'm so excited. Ok, back to the asparagus Yes, it is truly delicious! (With butter and lime...emm!) Love, love, love!

Life blows.

I hate it. I'm studying for a vaguely outlined, mysterious exam right now.

Hoffman, why?

Betsy Hoffman's Letter of Resignation

I thought she had more in her. I admire her so much and I wish that she would have had the gall to stay and work through the problems CU has been having. I'm so dissapointed in her, I guess I had more faith in her that I should have. Her strength and diplomacy has always astounded me and has been a great source of inspiration at CU. Now she has just given up, probably due to the pressures of many around her.
Nevermind the C word, Betsy, how about the S word. S word not meaning sh*t, but meaning STAY!

"Maybe I'm kinda a mess then." Hair CUT!!

The Best Pirate Joke in the World, told by anonymous:

"argue, it's driving me nuts!"

I chopped my hair, everyone. My mom's nagging, although infrequent because I do not see her that often, became too much for me. Plus I saw a pictures of myself and felt that the "I don't care its Boulder hippie-long hair look" was just getting a little bit out of control and frayed at the end. I really wonder if this is the only time I can pull off that style, since later in life I might actually have a real job that I have to really maintain my appearance for. I figure I should enjoy it white I can, right? But alas, I will soon have to enter some form of the work force, being that I'm graduating so I guess this is the beginning of the consistent haircuts. It looks fine. If I wasn't illiterate with the posting thing, I'd give you before and after pictures, but once again I'm going to complain on how I suck and I can't do much with computers.

So I'll describe it, in detail. I did a mod squad punk type of 'do. I let Peggy, my lovely hair-stylist, do what she wanted, basically. I told her I still wanted to be able to say that I had long hair and I really like what she gave me out of the deal. She left it so it still hangs below my shoulders. It is still long, and its mid-back. There is some blonde on the ends so its fairly funky and neat, too. And so my bangs are cut at an angle - shorter on the left side, longer on the right. The angle goes down over my right eye. I've been wanting to do this angle for a long time. It works. I feel like a sophisticated hippie instead of a careless hippie now. Great.

Seeing Someone Off...

Seeing Someone Off

Translated by Irving Y. Lo

Dismounting, I offer you wine
And ask, "Where are you bound?"
You say, "I've found no fame or favors;
"I must return to rest in the South Mountain."
You leave, and I ask no more--
White clouds drift on and on.


I had an exciting night out on the town last night in Denver, CO. It made me realize that the nightlife in Denver is worth the trip. Perhaps I'll get another caravan to go down there soon, and perhaps this next time we'll go by bus, because I learned that student govenment pays 1.6 million for us to have those little bus-pass stickers on our CU IDs. Amazing, right? So if this idea sound exciting then YOU, the person reading this I mean, SHOULD JOIN us on the next trek to the big city!
I wish I could post pictures. I am bad, and I need help with this. Someone, PLEASE!

NO SMOKING!

Click here for an amazing picture of another woman in this world named Mercedes!


Check it out, one of the women smoking the stoogie is named Mercedes! Like I would be caught dead with one of those in my mouth, but still, its great to "see myself in the news." Cough, cough, well I know, not really, but I can dream, right? Maybe I should move to Cuba. That sounds fantastic right about now.

No, no, I can't do that. Instead, I will subject myself to the boring, repetative, cement dregs of the Norlin Library here in Boulder, CO. I will research myth and theory, and I will dream of the day when I will be free from this thing called college and this thing called an "Honors Thesis." Whatever those mean!

"Flash"

I'm reading Palaniuk right now over all of the things I should be doing and reading, and it feels great. He is an amazingly creative intellectual. I can't believe I've neglected pop literature for so long! Goodbye Virginia, hello CHUCK!

"Him yelling, Give me lust, baby.

Flash.

Give me malice.

Flash.

Give me detached existentialist ennui.

Flash.

Give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism." ~Invisible Monsters by Chuck Palaniuk


"Special effects can go a long way to lighten a mood, and it's not as if this is a real house. What's burning down is re-creation of a period revival house patterned after a copy of a copy of a copy of a mock-Tudor big manor house. It's a hundred generations removed from anything original, but the truth is aren't we all?" ~Chuck again.

Actually, I don't think I could ever say goodbye to Virginia Woolf, that is. She's too brilliant and I love her too much. Favorites never die.
Today was great, saw Angela Davis speak. She said the same things as Ward Churchill except she wasn't on the defense and she was a lot easier to understand. I think that is important in any type of theory you are trying to bring across to the masses: understandability. It creates waves when EVERYONE is intended to understand what you are saying and when you intend on NOT excluding anyone. Academia can be so isolated sometimes and Davis did a great job bringing everyone together tonight.

PS Chuck is great.

...........anticlimactic climax............

So I turned in 60 complete pages of my thesis this afternoon at 4pm. It was amazing walking with that thick stack of warm paper freshly printed from Kinkos. I walked into the Honors office, a little bit proud, a little bit stressed and handed Kimberly Rushing the stack of paper. I sigh and casually ask her "So, who will be reading this draft, then?" And she replies as she takes the huge draft out of my hand "Oh, well, actually, probably nobody. This is just for filing purposes." My jaw drops and I felt like the all nighters I had pulled for the past week had all been for nothing. I turned around slowly, upset that I didn't get something more fulfilling out of the completion of this huge task, and then I stopped. I paused at the door and turned back to Kimberly Rushing and said "Oh, that was just for me then, wasn't it?" And I walked out of the Honors office, into the beautiful Colorado sunshine feeling extraordinarily happy, and I was smiling!

Plus, later I celebrated with some Bova's frozen custard with Jessie K and Carrie. Then I got a new hot pink top. Then I bought Chuck Palaniuk's Invisible Monsters for a reading club I'm in called "Literary Conspiracy." Then I had some wine at a friend's. Then I had boys over late into the evening. They taught me gin rummy, and that also put a smile on my face. Boys are funny. Life is funny. I quite love it.